If you’re living in Shanghai, you should def get a smartshanghai.com account. #1 because its the most useful website for dining, art, and nightlife… and #2 when you subscribe to the email updates, there is this one ridiculous writer who calls himself Da Admiral and his updates are hilarious. wtf. This guy is a character. For example, he wrote about his envy of Chinese children having a slit down their pants to poop on the streets.. wherever, whenever:

“Pretty much the only thing I’ve been doing for the last three weeks is thinking of how to get a big slit installed into the back of all my pants and shorts. ‘Cause everytime I see a little kid on the street… taking care of The Business.. I only feel one thing:

All-consuming jealousy.

Two can play at this game, my friends! If you happen to see a middle-aged cracker blasting down Fuxing Lu — with his sweet lil’ cracker ass peeking out at you from a slit in the back of his pants — glistening in the sun, almost like it’s winking at you — know this:

That dude has figured it out.

This dude has figured it out. This dude has got life by the balls. FIRMLY. And go ahead! Stop me on the street. Say hi. Engage me in an impromptu chat! And if it should so happen that I, in the course of our conversation, stoop down and lean over the curve… don’t stop talking! I’m still listening. Go ahead, man. Go ahead. “

Its amazing that I get emails with random ass stories like these. They are always an entertaining read.